If you go more than a few seconds without laughing, you're an emotionless blob. Local act Joey Cougar & The Starfish, who have an EP out called "In Church at 8, In Jail by 10," spool songs asking "is Kim Jon ill, or is he fakin'?" and pointing out that Christian rock bands "got it made -- all their lyrics are just Bible versus." So is the drummer-guitarist duo a comedy or music group?

"We consider ourselves a band and not a comedy act primarily because we are not actually funny," says vocalist/guitarist Joey Cougar in an e-mail interview.

Modesty aside, I think you might form a different opinion as you read Cougar's following interview.

How would you describe your current music? Garrulous and gregarious Kinks-style rock with hints of country, punk, and coriander. Just imagine a Joey Cougar & The Starfish cover band, and that's basically how we sound, except better.

What are some of the band's accomplishments? Already having a farewell tour, playing for five hours at a small bar in Council Bluffs, Iowa, Kelly's drum solos becoming more epic every set (I believe they are the length of a Peter Jackson film currently), Kelly not killing Joey, Joey managing to digest a dinner consisting entirely of Mountain Dew, Burger King onion rings, and Chili Cheese Fritos (c'mon corporate sponsorship).

How does Satan influence your music, as you so state on your MySpace profile? He or she does not have a direct influence on our music as he or she is a construct set up to be the opposite of God (also a construct) or whatever. I actually had a dream on Sunday night (fittingly) where Satan was chatting with me in a scary voice and then she or he revealed that she or he was actually God and had only been pretending to be Satan because he or she got bored.

You have an affinity for gas stations on road trips. What's your best gas station story? I, Joey Cougar, grew up in rural Georgia. One time my best friend Justin and I went to north Georgia for a Christian music festival (don't ask), and we stopped at some gas station late at night. We were driving my Pontiac Sunfire (R.I.P.). We were filling up and the pump was as slow as molasses running through a narrow-necked funnel. Some rednecks mocked me and said something about me having a 50-gallon tank. I'm surprised I haven't punched a redneck yet in my life.

How did JC&TS come to be? I am really into New Age mysticism, about which I've been reading a lot, so I would answer this question by saying that we are still coming into being and may never reach an endpoint. Sort of like a circle. Or a parallelogram with the sides going into infinity and maybe curving slightly in a curvy way but still being parallel. I guess in some ways, we have been, currently are, and always will be coming into being. Or, sometime six months ago.

So you said you "ultimately hate Salt Lake" and think that "Salt Lake and Utah are the least normal, most fucked up part of the country (worse even than the South)." Why do you live here? I remain here because I love my friends, my non-music job, and Joey Cougar & The Starfish. Plus, I sometimes say things to get reactions and pretend that I have real emotions like rage and sadness when really I am an automaton incapable of feeling. I only write hit songs.

Your proudest display of wit: Did you hear about the hypoglycemic swordfighter who feinted? I'm quite proud of that one, which proves how sad my life is. At least I would be sad if I felt emotions.

What's worse: Kim Jong-il or Christian Rock bands? Kim Jong-il has nuclear weapons, but Christian Rock bands have the sword of the spirit that can cut through flesh and bone and, um, the spirit. They are both deadly, so let's hope they never join forces. If they did, they should definitely call themselves Last Kim Jong-Will and Old Testament.

Where do you want to take this project? We would eventually love to be opening up for Danny Gans in Las Vegas, or doing the Karate Studio circuit. If we can't make it that far, we both would love to play "Brown-Eyed Girl" for three hours anywhere. We both love that song more than we love carbs. By the way, if anyone ever uses "carbs" seriously in a sentence please ask that person kindly to insert himself or herself into the mouth of a hungry hippopotamus.

Why the weird name? Joey likes older women (or is he an older woman? You can never tell with these newfangled automatons) and Kelly is an echinoderm with two stomachs who can regenerate lost appendages (he actually lost one in a gas station on this trip).

What do you want our readers to know that I haven't asked? I want your readers to know that Geoff Johns and Gail Simone are good comic book writers and that Kelly Styxxx is a gentleman who takes his hat off indoors. Your readers should also know that Microsoft Word wanted me to change "gentleman" to either "man" or "person." Your readers should know that is stupid.

Which local venues do you think are perfect for your kind of music? The unpretentious ones that actually like music. We really like the Woodshed. We have also found that we usually do well playing for children, most likely because Joey's brain has never developed past that of the typical 8-year-old. Joey still refuses to eat vegetables. Remember kids, when you grow up, you can eat cookies all day if you want.

Anything else you'd like to say? Look for the Joey Cougar & The Starfish cover band, Kim Jong-Illin, in the future.