Dominique Storni is a transsexual lesbian. He was born a boy and raised in Brigham City and Ogden in a Mormon household of eight children. He served a mission, and was married for 17 years, during which he fathered six children. In 2003, he underwent surgery to become a woman. She recently sat down with me at Mestizo Coffeehouse to tell me her story.

What's the difference between transsexual and transgender? We like to believe that gender is between your ears and sex is between your legs.

Are there different terms for pre-op and post-op? That's what we call it. "Pre-op" means before you've have surgery. "Post-op" means you've had surgery. And then there's another option called "non-op." I know some transsexual women who will grow breasts or have breast implants but never do anything to the bottom. Some of them are married to women who identify as heterosexual and want to enjoy the heterosexual benefits of intimacy. So the transsexual partner will say, "Well, I'll live as a woman but keep the male parts for our marriage," and the wife will go, "I'll allow you to live as a woman, but please be at least boy enough to satisfy my heterosexual needs." I think it's a beautiful arrangement of people that really love each other.

I've heard about some people being attached to the identity of being either homosexual or heterosexual, so the surgery causes conflict for their orientation identity? I call it "hardwired-hetero" or "hardwired homo." I have two friends who are perfect examples. One of my friends had her surgery three years before I did. She identified as heterosexual. The longer she was on hormones, the longer she was in that role of a woman, she would go, "Oh, I'm heterosexual; I should date men." So she started dating men. I have another friend who identified as absolutely a dyke. Loved being a butch dyke and loved über femmes. And then he had surgery, and became a guy, and all of a sudden, he goes, "Wait, I'm homosexual." I ran into him and he's dating a guy. "I'm like, dude, what's up?" And he goes, "I'm gay." And then I know another F to M gentleman who said, "I'm attracted to what I am." When I was a lesbian, I was attracted to lesbians. Now that I'm a female-to-male transsexual, I'm attracted to female-to-male transsexuals.

So you were always attracted to women, but you felt more like a woman than a man? I've always been attracted to girls, and I've always felt like I should be one.

Just girls all the way around? I believe I'm two-spirited. I see myself as both. Put a football in my hands and watch how quick I turn into a boy. I think there are a lot of two-spirited people. In aboriginal cultures around the world, there were always female warriors and men who lived a women's role. They very often were shamans. They were seen as people gifted with wisdom of both male and female spirits. People like me were very often used to negotiate relationships in the tribes or between tribes. Even today, if I hear a heterosexual couple arguing, I can go, "Wait a minute, sis. What he's trying to say is..." and "Bro, what she's trying to say is..." I can translate the gender language.

How did you tell your wife you wanted to be a woman? She caught me cross-dressing probably 3 or 4 months into our marriage.

How did you feel when you put women's clothes on? It just felt like, "This is who I am." It's like walking in the skin that fits. Finally my wife actually taught me how to walk in heels and how to do makeup and helped me buy some clothes.

So somewhere along the line she accepted it? I don't know that she accepted it so much as I knew she loved her husband. I think maybe she hoped it was a phase I'd grow out of if I just did it.

What happened after 17 years of marriage? After 35 years of fasting and praying, it didn't go away. I attempted suicide twice: in 1995 and in 1998. After the second time, I'd cut my wrists, and I had bandages and they were all bloody and scabby and ugly, and my oldest son saw me, and I just saw this terror in his eyes. Tears welled up started falling and I just figured right then and there that it was better they have a lesbian dad than a dead dad.

After you left the marriage in 1995, did you dress as a woman from then on? Off and on. It wasn't until '98 that I made the decision that this is what I'm going to do forever. December of '98 is when I made my legal name change and got my driver's license with an F on it.

When did you make the decision to have the operation? I made the decision to have surgery in 1998, but then it was a matter of getting money, because insurance doesn't pay for it. Finally, in 2003, I went to Bangkok, Thailand because I just couldn't afford the surgeons in the U.S. My airfare, my hotel, my surgery and everything was only $7,500. It would have cost me $18,000 to $50,000 here.

What's some of the discrimination that you face? I'd meet somebody and we'd hit it off, and the girl would say, "We need to hang out, I want to get your phone number," and then somebody would come up and whisper her in her ear and drag her off and I'd never see her again. That happened a lot. And I know that lesbians out me all the time. It just amazes me that women who don't want to be outed feel like they have a duty to out a transsexual person.

Why do you think they do that? I know some people must think I haven't had surgery yet. I wonder if there's the whole anatomy thing that hangs people up. I think they think it's like old surgery, where we just get a hole poked in us and we're freaks, but a lot of gynecologists can't even tell. I have a friend who went to see the gynecologist, and the gynecologist said, "When did you have your hysterectomy?"

Does it function the same? Yeah, it works pretty good. It took me eight months to learn how to have an orgasm. As a guy, it's build, build, build, fireworks! And now it's kind of a build, build, build, and I get the whole stomach vibrations of things, and I can do multiples.

If you weren't in your 50s, would you have been able to have children? No, because all of the penile and scrotal skin is inverted. Part of the tip of the penis is used to make the clitoris, and the rest of the shaft skin is used to make the vaginal cavity. And then the labia are made from the scrotal tissue. But there's no uterus and there's no ovaries.

Would you ever want to be with another transgender person? Yeah, I've dated transgender people.

Is that easier than dating a lesbian? Easier from the standpoint that I don't have to explain anything. But I don't really see anything differently. I just see them as a woman. I've dated transsexuals that have had surgery and that haven't had surgery.

Have you faced discrimination from society in general? Yeah, I've been laid off from several jobs when they find out. I've had a couple jobs where they know. And they expect me to do what a man does, like I've had to build my own cubicles, heavy labor kind of stuff. But they also expect me to be submissive and don't question, like a woman. That glass ceiling is really interesting when you've walked on both sides.

Why do you think it makes people uncomfortable? The unknown. I think guys get intimidated, and having been a guy, I think I understand. Just because I wanted to cut mine off, doesn't mean I want them to cut theirs off.

Is there anything we haven't covered that you'd like people to know? We have a whole bunch of people who are willing to come out and speak. I've spoken to medical conventions, to mental health conventions, social work classes, psychology classes, sexuality classes. We really want to come and teach. Whether I chose to be this way or I was born this way shouldn't matter in the United States of America. For those people who are like I used to be, as a very active Christian and a very active Mormon, I have the nuts and bolts and the scientific research so they can make that connection in their minds that I am the way God intended me to be. Maybe God didn't fix me through prayer, but he provided really good surgery.

How can people contact you if they want you to speak? dominiquestorni@hotmail.com