It was a harbinger of awesome that my friend Bacon and I kicked off our latest adventure commiserating about our balloon-crotch pants.

Seriously, who designs women's outdoorswear? Hiking pants, rain pants, snow pants -- they're all the same: squatty little legs with elongated belly pouches. If I wear the cuffs at my ankle, the crotch hangs so low that I can't take a long stride uphill. If I pull up the crotch, the cuffs hit me mid-shin and the waistband is at my ribs. Either way, the hips make me look like a lion tamer.

I don't know anyone who would want these pants. They're uncomfortable, not functional and fugly as hell.

Turns out, they're good for one thing only.

Bacon and I waddled up Mill Creek Canyon like Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum with three other friends on Saturday. We hiked up to the saddle to Parleys Canyon next to Mount Aire, she on snowshoes and I (due to a misunderstanding) on cross-country skis. I had carried my skis through the steep parts, which was fine for the ascent. But coming back down, I kept plunging my foot through the snow, which shot up my too-short pant legs.

Meanwhile, Bacon left the trail, fell down and resigned to butt-scoot down a short line. She hit the trail some yards below.

And kept going.

And going.

She zipped past us down the trail as if on a waterslide, snowshoes just off the ground.

Well, that looked way more fun.

I tucked my skis under my arm and began to scoot. As I picked up speed, I dropped my heels to help me steer and slow down. Snow sprayed under my coat, but I noticed my torso was dry.

It was the pants! They had ridden up to my ribs and shielded my entire midsection from snow!

We butt-scooted for about 1/3 mile. I wouldn't recommend this in icy or rocky conditions, and I can see how untrammeled powder might obscure some painful hazards. But for a soft, warmish Saturday in February, it was like a day at the park. Or, "Goonies fun," as Bacon's fiancé called it. He scooted awhile, too, but after a couple of runs he said his butt couldn't take any more.

He really should have worn women's pants.

Erin Alberty has more Utah adventures and musings on her blog, poorpenmanship.com.