I fucking hate “Twilight”. Why the hell are there people wearing Team Edward/Team Jacob shirts? It makes no sense. Here’s my idea on how this whole little fad started:

INT. JENNY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

JENNY and BETTY are both sitting on the floor reading through Jenny’s Teen Bop Magazine when they suddenly turned to the page featuring Edward and Jacob.

JENNY
O-M-G! Isn’t Edward hot, with a capital H? I swear I’m going to start a gang dedicated to the only Vampire that understands us women.

BETTY
Girl you are like sooo mistaken, because Jacob is way much hotter and I’m going to start a gang dedicated to him.

JENNY
Oh fucking original bitch. You just stole my idea. If I was a vampire I would fucking kill you.

BETTY
Bring it bitch. I’m a werewolf and I’ll tear your mother fucking ass to pieces. Vampires are gay anyway. Go suck a dick.

JENNY
Oh HELL NAW!!! The only reason why you like Jacob up is because your poor ass can’t afford a razor. Use wax if you can’t shave your legs bitch.

Both Jenny and Betty start throwing punches at each other until both girls collapse on the floor tired and bloody. When out of nowhere Vanhelsing swings in and kills them both. The End.

See what I mean? They just started a gang and now our streets are plague with hoodlums trying to be either a) a Vampire or b) a Werewolf. Whatever happened to the Mummy or the Creature from the Black Lagoon?

Girls act crazier than guys when it comes to shit like this. When the movie Transformers came out we didn’t wear no Team Decepticons or Team Autobots shirt. We wore our regular shirts and told our dates to shut the fuck up the movie’s about to start. As a matter of fact I didn’t bring a date to the premier, because I tend to make out with the girl throughout the movie rather than watch it.

I’ve never seen “Twilight” the first movie or read the book, but I have wikipedia it and it seems like a stupid vampire/werewolf thing. Have you ever seen “Underworld”? It’s the same damn thing minus the Team Edward/Team Jacob shirts.

Now girls are facebooking or twittering shit like “Why can’t I find a guy like Edward or Jacob?” and it’s because Vampires and Werewolves can kill you WOMAN. Guys next time a girl ask why they can’t find a guy like Jacob or Edward you just say “Girl we’re in a recession take whatever you can, here’s my number.”